Crescent Beach

Sunday, April 30, 2006

The World's Most Dangerous Road (cont)


Jason was unsure what kind of doctor conducted his practice in a dilapidated wooden shack by a river in the jungle, but he was curious as hell to find out. Besides, there was no turning back now. It was pitch black and he was exhausted from rolling that wheel chair past every rock, bump and hole the Coroico back roads had to offer. Luckily it wasn’t that far. The painful push ended as quickly as it had begun.

As Jason neared the shack door he could hear drums inside. His knocks blended in with their music. No one answered. He knocked harder. The drums stopped and an old man dressed in rags creaked open the door and stepped outside. He took one look at Tim and motioned the pair to enter. Jason struggled to fit the wheelchair through the door.

posted by Chris Fleites @ 11:00 AM  2 comments

Saturday, April 29, 2006

The World's Most Dangerous Road (cont)


“Hmmmm. Very interesting. I no sure. I think you need specialist.”

“Specialist? What kind of specialist deals with this sort of thing?”

“Special kind of doctor. Here. I write direction. He live on edge of jungle, one kilometer away.” The doctor handed Jason directions scribbled on a napkin. Jason tried to lift Tim, but he wouldn’t budge from the floor.

“Doctor!”

“Yes?”

“I think we may need a wheelchair.”

posted by Chris Fleites @ 12:55 PM  1 comments

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Still Life*

Morgan Woodchuck's a name
waiting to explode.
There's eight sticks of stardust
 hidden between the oh's.
 Some dazzle, some glimmer
their plumes fuming gold . . .
 A river of light sparks
 dead red scrolls.

aroma of nightshade,
 powdered ground elk
aroma of sheepskin,
 spoiled raw silk
a vision of yesturday
in howls and shrieks
tomorrow's in pieces,
 rags bloody and beat

in with the clowns ...
 out with the claws
hand Morgan Woodchuck
a ticket to Oz
a ticket to Giza,
 a ticket Hell
a one way first class
 to some small plastic cell

with no door and no cieling
and dark leaks from below
with a backdraft of angels
being fed to the crows

a thought dripping acid
a rash in the mud
a witch's bad hairday
a laugh dry and snug

hey guard can you hear me?
It's Morgan's last wish
can you grab me a Whiskey?
and a long rubber stick?

posted by Chris Fleites @ 9:17 PM  2 comments



Dear Consumer:

Here are some web sites that analyze his scheme. While some of the things he says are true, they are taken out of context and exaggerated. Yes the pharmaceutical companies may have a stronghold on medicine; and while the drugs may be dangerous a lot of them work to a certain degree. That doesnt mean they should charge ridiculous ammounts of money for people to use them; but that doesn't mean that they should blindly be avoided either. If Kevin's proposed natural cures do in fact work then the market will inevitably take care of itself and more people will be using them; not because some guy says they work but because it becomes general societal knowledge gained through experience.

What Kevin is doing is taking advantage of instances of government corruption to make money on his own by in turn taking advantage of the consumer. Ethically this puts him at the same, if not a worse level than the companies and the government. The only thing i would give him credit for is that he is a marketing genious who has made 2 billion dollars exploiting consumers in a legal way. Which is perfectly allowable in our country because the right of being able to say or express yourself far outweighs the danger of censoring false information.

What you as an informed person have to do is look at the totality of the circumstances surrounding his claims and be critical of what he has to say. When you do this you will notice that he has almost zero support for any of his claims and that a lot of things in his book are ultimately for his personal benefit as they always refer you back to his website where you can either buy his recommended products or join his club for $999 life time membership where you are entitled to "exclusive natural cures."

While there are a lot of problems (mostly stemming from greed) with our medical system, it is a system that for the most part works. Kevin is trying to capitalize on its flaws for his own personal gain and takes advantage of consumer ignorance to do so. As people, especially older and sick people looking for hope, claims such as his naturally arouse our curiosity and we may be inclined to deny all evidence showing otherwise to strengthen our opinions. He knows this and it is this facet of humanity that he is making his billions of dollars exploting. I also suspect that the reason he talks so much about his previous criminal history is because no matter what it did happen and it is something people will inevitably use to discredit him. Better to concede it than let it be a main source of ammunition against him. Plus everyone loves a good story on reformation.

Anyways here are a couple of web sites on Kevin... one tries to give both sides of the story, another breaks down everything he says point by point and the other is just an article about his "infomercial" history that might shed light on his true motives for doing all of this.

Still, some of the things he says are true but you don't need to buy his book to figure that one out. It is mostly common knowledge. What he does is coat these true things with fantasy (you can relate it to the Catholic interpretation of Gnosticism) so they sound appealing. I remember seeing this guy on an informertial once claiming he had the cure for cancer. Not only was the method he described just ridiculous on its face but if it really was the cure for cancer then guess what? cancer would be cured by now.

One thing i learned in college that kind of relates to what he preaches has to do with toxins. In theory everything is toxic. It just depends on the dosage. For example people have died from drinking too much water because a large amount of water has a negative effect on the human body. Nevertheless this effect is only negative after a threshold amount. Yes cholrine is dangerous for the body but at certain levels it is benign (same for alcohol, pot, etc). Even pure oxygen is toxic for the body. Using his methodology implies that we should avoid almost everything in the world because it may have a toxic effect on us. In additon to all of this, everyones threshold toxic level for different substances are different in it of themselves. While it takes Ashley 3 beers to get drunk it takes me 10. While someone might get diarrea from eating a chicken someone else who ate the same chicken may not. Just because there is chlorine in the water doesnt mean its bad for you. The levels are insignificant. But how else would Kevin get you to buy the shower purifier? He is playing the same game that the pharmaceutical companies are playing but on an opposite side. It ultamitely is the same game though because underneath all those fancy claims is just the desire to get rich at the expense of other people's ignorance.

While the book does offer some nice tips to stay healthy don't put too much faith in what it says. Almost all his arguments break down under scrutiny and while they are nice to believe and make people feel good and comfortable for believing them they are ultimately a distorition of the truth which cannot be applied in any valuable context.
Anyways, read the web sites, and read the book. But dont take anythign it says for granted. If you really want to live a healthier life that starts with willpower and making better choices not putting all your faith into an inexperienced scam artist. Buying books won't get you healthy, making an effort to improve will.

Peace Health and Love

Local W.

posted by Chris Fleites @ 12:14 PM  2 comments

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The World's Most Dangerous Road (cont)

“Oh man, you had me worried there, I thought you were done for,” Jason explained.

Tim’s eyes were fearful, then confused. He looked around and couldn’t place a finger on his surroundings. Then, he opened his mouth. From the depths of his bowels came one word, if we dare call it so.

“Pfaaaaaaaaff.”

“Yes, Tim, you crashed into an alpaca. Now get up and let’s go. We have five days to catch our boat.” Jason grabbed Tim by the arm and pulled him off the bed. Tim fell on the floor.

“Pfaaaaaff. Pfaaaaff”

“Stop playing around Tim. Remember, Bolivian radicals will be making chop suey out of our limbs if we’re late, and trust me, there’s a long ways to go.”

“Pfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaff”

“Man, I liked you better asleep. Doctor! You said nothing was wrong. Why is he talking like a damn alpaca?”

posted by Chris Fleites @ 5:04 PM  1 comments

Monday, April 24, 2006


The World's Most Dangerous Road (cont)

He found Tim's body lying unconscious on the other side of the turn. Tim had missed the fall by inches. Impossible Jason thought, he should have been snake food . Something must have gotten in the way. After making sure Tim was breathing Jason peeked over the edge. An alpaca lay splattered below. Well I'll be damned, that critter saved my best friend's life .


Rodolfo saw the accident and came running towards the pair. They carefully put Tim in the car and drove the rest of the way towards Coroico to find medical attention. At a small hospital the resident doctor carefully examined Tim.


"I not find anything wrong," he said in his best English. "He just sleep. Here I have something that wake him up." The doctor reached into his sleeve and placed some smelling salts under Tim's nose. He instantly opened his eyes.

posted by Chris Fleites @ 8:21 PM  4 comments

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Meet the Merry Pranksters

Ken Kesey says: "I believe man is changing...Our concept of reality is changing. It's been happening here in [Crescent Beach]. I believe there's a whole new generation of kids. They're different. I can hear it in the music."


* Crazy John has a yellow dot floating on top of his head. He no longer affiliates himself with the Merry Pranksters or any of their associates. You see... the Merry Pranksters killed Crazy John's Dead Grandfather behind his back- which Crazy John doesn't appreciate- at all. Those good for nothing high flying elitists...they're worse than pack of wild midnight coyote moon humpers. No... wait... Nothing's worse that a pack of wild midnight coyote moon humpers. But those Pranksters...they come damn close!

When Crazy John confronted the Merry Pranksters for keeping him out of his Dead Grandfather's murder he demanded answers. Kesey simply shrugged, smiling, and handed Crazy John his Dead Grandfather's hat. "The answer is never the answer," he said, "What's really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you'll always be seeking. I've never seen anyone really find the answer --- they think they have so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer." Crazy John wasn't entirely convinced. Who ever is? John wasn't a fool though either. He sensed something powerful behind those words. On the following sunrise Crazy John fled the Prankster inner chambers with his heart set on planting "a garden in which strange things grow." His Dead Grandfather's hat never left his head. Never. When asked why, Crazy John simply replied "it's a mystery in bloom."

posted by Chris Fleites @ 12:02 AM  1 comments

Saturday, April 22, 2006

one Last Quest1on

YourLocalPip: Hold on Angie...one last thing. Am I supposed to breathe in and out at the same time? Is that how I'm supposed to do it?

Angie Zanders: That's the dummest question I ever heard. That's almost as dumb as talking to invisible chairs or eating milk with a fork or even pretending to be two people at once.

YourLocalPip: Hey, you're the one living with woodchip elves.

Angie Zanders: Hehe.. i was just fooling around. I'm quite past the tree forest alright.

YourLocalPip: Well, where are you?

Angie Zanders: Right now...right now I'm lying under the crescent moon on the east peak of Mt. Rancor with the Edge of the world blowing against my face.

YourLocalPip: The east peak of Mt. Rancor? No fucking way! Is it colder than Hell up there?


The Peaks of Mt. Rancor
<} soon thereafter {>

YourLocalPip: Angie?...Angie?... is it colder than Hell?

posted by Chris Fleites @ 12:51 AM  1 comments

Friday, April 21, 2006

*Part Two*


Angie Zanders: I’m actually 22 and a girl. But I know exactly what you’re talking about.

YourLocalPip: But all this girl has in her head is partying and that type of music. Partying and music are a way that two people can start a conversation, speak of things, and have a good time. But since both our interests are different, we Repel each other.

Angie Zanders: Repel is such a strong word. It’s like Anti-Magnetic.

YourLocalPip: I mean its definition to the fullest.

Angie Zanders: Don’t listen to what I think because it may not be the best route for you- but nevertheless I think there is something that obviously brings you two together- yet at the moment that characteristic of your relationship is being quirked by something that you two do not have in common- you can try hard to work it out or you can take some time apart- that second choice is tough, man, and if you choose it try your best to end it on good terms- it’s not something easy to accomplish, but if you do…no worries…Physically, Mentally or Spiritually.

YourLocalPip: I’ve been pondering about breaking up all week now and I’m leaning towards it. But the thing about her and I is that if we break up we’re definitely going to get back together. It’s just I keep thinking that maybe it’s the Bullshit that I think. Maybe what’s bothering me isn’t something that should be bothering me.

Angie Zanders: And what happens between break-ups? Do you paste her picture on an office chair and beat the crap out of it?

YourLocalPip: Ha! No…I Blame myself. No…what really happens between break-ups is that we talk about trying to change to make each other happy.

Angie Zanders: Do you change?

YourLocalPip: Yes. In ways- not as much as I should but I still do. I’m not asking her to change her taste in music. I just feel she should open herself to other types of music. There’s a lot more out there than Tirin Tin Tin. I want her to identify more with bands. With who they are and what they represent.

Angie Zanders: You know what I think? I don’t think you’re crazy anymore. No. I think you’re fucking Insane! And no matter what you say about it, you’re eventually going to have to find a way to deal with it yourself.

YourLocalPip: No, I agree with you completely. But I believe if you were in my position it would be the same. And that’s where I keep coming across a wall.

Angie Zanders: I have no idea how it would be to be in your position, so, maybe it will be the same. Coming Across a Wall… that song's by Celestial Symphony right?

YourLocalPip: Yea, so is Tiptoe on the Edge. You see? She’d have no idea what we’re talking about right now. I think to myself…should I just forget about it?...and not care what she listens to…

Angie Zanders: Here’s what to do Local…You are going to spend five minutes every day…either after you wake up or before you go to sleep…you are going to Sit Down cross legged and you are going to breathe…then…slowly become aware of your breathing…if another thought comes to mind realize that you are thinking it and switch your attention back to your breath…slowly and naturally…don’t inhale hard…let it come and let it go…follow it wherever it goes…but never lose your awareness of it…it’s complicated at first…even harder to try and explain…but if you do it you will find out for yourself what it’s all about…it’ll be like your thing…

YourLocalPip: Will that really help me out with putting an end to the Bullshit?...with reaching the rock climbing void?

Angie Zanders: Of course it will. You won’t be able to rock climb if you don’t know how to breathe. You won’t be able to do much of anything for that matter.

YourLocalPip: You know…I’m going to do that…Honestly…it’s only five minutes…and I really…really appreciate you talking to me about this…very therapeutic…especially since I get honest, not cushioned feedback…

Angie Zanders: Just promise me that you won’t preoccupy yourself with your girl troubles when we go rock climbing this summer.

YourLocalPip: I know. I won’t. One more thing…

Angie Zanders: You’re gay?

YourLocalPip: Laughing My Ass Of. In all Three ways.

Angie Zanders: It’s about goddamn time.

YourLocalPip: Do you think it’s ridiculous that things like this bother me? What truly bothers me is her attractiveness to that ghetto type of music. Like she likes ghetto things, chains, spinner chains, terrible tast in cars, she likes all those gangster cars, and I guess it intimidates me.

Angie Zanders: No I don’t think it’s ridiculous that all those things bother you. Considering of course the fact that you’re a Lunatic. Either way I’m going to go rock climbing right now. Talk to you later.

YourLocalPip: Aight. Happy Holidays.

It turns out that Angie Zanders never returned from her Holiday vacation in a tree forest near the edge of Mt Rancor. Nope. She didn't return at all. An alternative fate awaited our free-spirited rock-climbing health-care professional. An alternative fate which involved surfing through lava tubes, fixing the princess' hair with a fire lotus and eventually becomming the first true local of Crescent Beach.

YourLocalPip did eventually run into Angie Zanders one summer day. They even did a little rock climbing together, breathing and all. And, when YourLocalPip finally reached his long sought state of Nothingness he came to terms with the fact that his girlfriend liked Tirin Tin Tin. And he wasn't gonna let it bother him anymore.

As for the author of this silly mini tale, He was last seen chasing his shadow through trails of daisys and sage. When asked what he was going to write about next the author replied: "Oh, nothing really. I'm just going to concentrate on my studies now. Because you need to learn how to learn before you can learn how to learn."

posted by Chris Fleites @ 12:34 PM  1 comments

Thursday, April 20, 2006

*<((HAPPY HOLiDAYS))>*

CAST OF CHARACTERS

YourLocalPip as the Interrogator

Angie Zanders as the Interrogated

and... sometimes...

Interrogator as the Interrogated

KEEP IN MIND: The following is not how Angie Zanders' interrogation went. The following is how Angie Zanders wished her interrogation had gone. How her interrogation went and how she wished it would have gone are two entirely different things.

YourLocalPip: Yo! What’s up?

Angie Zanders: Chillin’

YourLocalPip: So are you like done with med school yet? Or like whats up with your life right now?

Angie Zanders: I’m living in a tree forest with a whole bunch of little elves that speak foreign languages and I can’t really understand a word they’re saying. So it’s difficult sometimes. You know, because communication is so important. And there’s definitely none of that going on. I don’t even think the elves know they’re own languages.

YourLocalPip: Laughing My Ass Off

Angie Zanders: Are you really?

YourLocalPip: Well…Mentally…yes. Collectively…no.

Angie Zanders: How would you Collectively laugh your ass off?

YourLocalPip: Mentally and Physically. Which is Collectively. Both...no...Mentally... yes.

Angie Zanders: You should add Spiritually to the mix.

YourLocalPip: Laughing My Ass Off

Angie Zanders: You know, make it mean something.

YourLocalPip: So now we’re holy?

Angie Zanders: Oh, there’s no word for it.

YourLocalPip: Okay. In touch?

Angie Zanders: More like Caressed.

YourLocalPip: That’s funny. Where are you now? The peak? The edge of Mt. Rancor?

Angie Zanders: I’m in a tree forest shit face-

YourLocalPip: And the INTERNET?-

Angie Zanders: With little elves that speak foreign languages.

YourLocalPip: -Bitch, quit fucking around. Damn.

Angie Zanders: There’s a wireless connection here. It’s beamed from a satellite in space.

YourLocalPip: Laughing Out Loud

Angie Zanders: Was that Mental, Physical or Spiritual?

YourLocalPip: You’re amused by this aren’t you? That was Mentally and Physically. Since I can tell you’re inferring all I speak is Bullshit.

AngieZanders: We got to work on that third one.

YourLocalPip: Right. We’ll work on it when you come down from the tree forest. Why are you up there anyways?

Angie Zanders: Oh, I’m on Holiday vacation

YourLocalPip: Well then. Happy Holidays.

Angie Zanders: Happy Holidays to you too my friend.

YourLocalPip: so we’ll work on Spirituality when you get back from the Holidays.

Angie Zanders: How do you propose we do that?

YourLocalPip: We’ll go on a rock climbing binge.

Angie Zanders: I don’t know what to say right now.

YourLocalPip: Say you’re up for it.

Angie Zanders: Say Local, I’m up for it if you’re up for it.

YourLocalPip: I’m being serious. I haven’t been able to go into that stage of Nothingness in a really long time.

Angie Zanders: What does that stage of Nothingness feel like?

YourLocalPip: Comatose like…Just pure Nothing…You can’t even realize you’re in it…Until you snap out.

Angie Zanders: Is that what you want to do rock climbing for?

YourLocalPip: Well I have so much stress (which sounds ridiculous for a 16 year old) but I guess you can say I’m sort of emotionally unstable. So I’m guessing this might be able to help.

Angie Zanders: You’ll get as much out of it as you put in it…and it’s even possible to start right now if you really want to…you just have to start letting go…become familiar with your surroundings…see how things work.

YourLocalPip: Yea! When I do that I start thinking about my toe…and how my breath moves in and out is actually working…and slowly I understand what is happening…

Angie Zanders: Know what gets to you and slowly start shedding out of it. Don’t stay hung in the Bullshit.

YourLocalPip: Yea, I’m going to breathe in and out right now! The Thing is that whenever I try I start beginning to think about stuff that bothers me about my girlfriend. Or insecurities. Should I push those aside?

Angie Zanders: How’s your relationship with her right now? How does she make you feel?

YouLocalPip: Well, I’ve never been loved so much by a girl before and that’s just what I wanted.

Angie Zanders: Then what’s there to be insecure about?

YourLocalPip: It’s her averageness and she doesn’t really have any interests in things- like she’s closed minded…and I’ve never been so open with a girl in my life. I have literally told her straight out: “You’re Average” and she says she realizes it too.

Angie Zanders: You know what I think? I think You’re Crazy!

YourLocalPip: And it sounds pathetic but her interests in music really bother me. She just likes Tirin Tin Tin.

AngieZanders: Yup…You’re definitely Crazy!

YourLocalPip: That’s something that would bother me about a girl.

Angie Zanders: You be your way, you let her be her way. Even though she may not be the perfect girl in your mind there’s obviously something the two of you dig in each other…something that makes you open up to one another…maybe you should explore that.

YourLocalPip: I know the perfect girl doesn’t exist and it bothers me because I know I can’t find a girl with that much love for me that additionally has better interests. Yo, I’ve never been so open like we’re open. For example, we could wipe each other’s asses without a problem. I tell her everything…her the same way. Look, the thing is this: I don’t Like Tirin Tin Tin. I can’t stand it, but I still know who DJ Wiley is and the Five Flashes of Funk. She doesn’t like rock, and, to make it worse, she has no idea who Jim Raven is, let alone The Black Eyed Angels. She doesn’t know any of them, not even Celestial Symphony. No one! And she doesn’t give them a chance.

Angie Zanders: Is this how you evaluate people man?

YourLocalPip: No. And that’s exactly the answer I’ve been looking for. Because you’re 21 you have a lot more things to speak to a girl about.

*part one*

posted by Chris Fleites @ 1:07 PM  1 comments