*<((HAPPY HOLiDAYS))>*

CAST OF CHARACTERS

YourLocalPip as the Interrogator

Angie Zanders as the Interrogated

and... sometimes...

Interrogator as the Interrogated

KEEP IN MIND: The following is not how Angie Zanders' interrogation went. The following is how Angie Zanders wished her interrogation had gone. How her interrogation went and how she wished it would have gone are two entirely different things.

YourLocalPip: Yo! What’s up?

Angie Zanders: Chillin’

YourLocalPip: So are you like done with med school yet? Or like whats up with your life right now?

Angie Zanders: I’m living in a tree forest with a whole bunch of little elves that speak foreign languages and I can’t really understand a word they’re saying. So it’s difficult sometimes. You know, because communication is so important. And there’s definitely none of that going on. I don’t even think the elves know they’re own languages.

YourLocalPip: Laughing My Ass Off

Angie Zanders: Are you really?

YourLocalPip: Well…Mentally…yes. Collectively…no.

Angie Zanders: How would you Collectively laugh your ass off?

YourLocalPip: Mentally and Physically. Which is Collectively. Both...no...Mentally... yes.

Angie Zanders: You should add Spiritually to the mix.

YourLocalPip: Laughing My Ass Off

Angie Zanders: You know, make it mean something.

YourLocalPip: So now we’re holy?

Angie Zanders: Oh, there’s no word for it.

YourLocalPip: Okay. In touch?

Angie Zanders: More like Caressed.

YourLocalPip: That’s funny. Where are you now? The peak? The edge of Mt. Rancor?

Angie Zanders: I’m in a tree forest shit face-

YourLocalPip: And the INTERNET?-

Angie Zanders: With little elves that speak foreign languages.

YourLocalPip: -Bitch, quit fucking around. Damn.

Angie Zanders: There’s a wireless connection here. It’s beamed from a satellite in space.

YourLocalPip: Laughing Out Loud

Angie Zanders: Was that Mental, Physical or Spiritual?

YourLocalPip: You’re amused by this aren’t you? That was Mentally and Physically. Since I can tell you’re inferring all I speak is Bullshit.

AngieZanders: We got to work on that third one.

YourLocalPip: Right. We’ll work on it when you come down from the tree forest. Why are you up there anyways?

Angie Zanders: Oh, I’m on Holiday vacation

YourLocalPip: Well then. Happy Holidays.

Angie Zanders: Happy Holidays to you too my friend.

YourLocalPip: so we’ll work on Spirituality when you get back from the Holidays.

Angie Zanders: How do you propose we do that?

YourLocalPip: We’ll go on a rock climbing binge.

Angie Zanders: I don’t know what to say right now.

YourLocalPip: Say you’re up for it.

Angie Zanders: Say Local, I’m up for it if you’re up for it.

YourLocalPip: I’m being serious. I haven’t been able to go into that stage of Nothingness in a really long time.

Angie Zanders: What does that stage of Nothingness feel like?

YourLocalPip: Comatose like…Just pure Nothing…You can’t even realize you’re in it…Until you snap out.

Angie Zanders: Is that what you want to do rock climbing for?

YourLocalPip: Well I have so much stress (which sounds ridiculous for a 16 year old) but I guess you can say I’m sort of emotionally unstable. So I’m guessing this might be able to help.

Angie Zanders: You’ll get as much out of it as you put in it…and it’s even possible to start right now if you really want to…you just have to start letting go…become familiar with your surroundings…see how things work.

YourLocalPip: Yea! When I do that I start thinking about my toe…and how my breath moves in and out is actually working…and slowly I understand what is happening…

Angie Zanders: Know what gets to you and slowly start shedding out of it. Don’t stay hung in the Bullshit.

YourLocalPip: Yea, I’m going to breathe in and out right now! The Thing is that whenever I try I start beginning to think about stuff that bothers me about my girlfriend. Or insecurities. Should I push those aside?

Angie Zanders: How’s your relationship with her right now? How does she make you feel?

YouLocalPip: Well, I’ve never been loved so much by a girl before and that’s just what I wanted.

Angie Zanders: Then what’s there to be insecure about?

YourLocalPip: It’s her averageness and she doesn’t really have any interests in things- like she’s closed minded…and I’ve never been so open with a girl in my life. I have literally told her straight out: “You’re Average” and she says she realizes it too.

Angie Zanders: You know what I think? I think You’re Crazy!

YourLocalPip: And it sounds pathetic but her interests in music really bother me. She just likes Tirin Tin Tin.

AngieZanders: Yup…You’re definitely Crazy!

YourLocalPip: That’s something that would bother me about a girl.

Angie Zanders: You be your way, you let her be her way. Even though she may not be the perfect girl in your mind there’s obviously something the two of you dig in each other…something that makes you open up to one another…maybe you should explore that.

YourLocalPip: I know the perfect girl doesn’t exist and it bothers me because I know I can’t find a girl with that much love for me that additionally has better interests. Yo, I’ve never been so open like we’re open. For example, we could wipe each other’s asses without a problem. I tell her everything…her the same way. Look, the thing is this: I don’t Like Tirin Tin Tin. I can’t stand it, but I still know who DJ Wiley is and the Five Flashes of Funk. She doesn’t like rock, and, to make it worse, she has no idea who Jim Raven is, let alone The Black Eyed Angels. She doesn’t know any of them, not even Celestial Symphony. No one! And she doesn’t give them a chance.

Angie Zanders: Is this how you evaluate people man?

YourLocalPip: No. And that’s exactly the answer I’ve been looking for. Because you’re 21 you have a lot more things to speak to a girl about.

*part one*