The World' Most Dangerous Road (cont)

“Remember in Kauai how we’d always bath in the rivers and you’d literally piss me off by urinating all over the place?”

“I told you, it’s a conditioned reaction. I have no control over it. If I’m in water I pee.”

“Well then you’re going to love the stream fish.”

“The stream fish? Is that like a fancy name for ‘piranha’?”

“No. It’s like a fancy name for something a whole lot worse. I can’t remember the technical name but I do remember its claim to fame. Basically it’s a tiny little fish, probably invisible to the naked eye, attracted to warmth. When you drain your bladder into a river the fish sniffs out the heat and looks for the source. Eventually it swims up the warm stream and makes it half way into your yellow squash before realizing that it’s somewhere it doesn’t want to be. The fish panics and in a conditioned response of its own it inflates, shooting out these nasty spines everywhere.”

“Yellow squash Jason? Aren’t we a little old to be referring to our manhood as a yellow squash?”

“Of course we are. Trust me I have a thorough database of phallic references. It’s just a courtesy to the readers.”

“To the readers?”

“Man, we haven’t had a chance to catch up on much, but lately I’ve been getting these weird vibes. Weird weird vibes. I’m beginning to think that I’m the protagonist in some cosmic novel or another, written by an all powerful and all knowing author, who has penciled in the entirety of my life on scraps of papyrus paper and distributes them freely for the enjoyment of others, namely, the readers.”

“Heavy stuff man, are you sure it’s not just the first year of law school heaving you off the edge?”

“No. Law school has affected me in a completely different way. All I see are laws. Luckily we are in a foreign country now and my mind is not on that stuff. But the plane ride over here was killer. Laws, everywhere. Pinching a flight attendant in the ass, assault and battery, lighting up a cigarette on the plane, felony, snatching that annoying kid’s pez dispenser, trespass to chattels, maybe even conversion. No. It’s not law school. I think it’s my roommate, Seth Hollow.”